If Famous Anime Directors Adapted Twilight…

The main problem that otaku have with regards to Twilight isn’t the sparkly vampires, anti-feminist undertones, or poorly portrayed characters, but simply the fact that it isn’t an anime. An excellent, yet hilarious post by Elizabeth Stark imagines how the immensely successful series would have been penned by other great authors of the past 200 years. Since this is an anime blog, It struck my fancy as to how Twilight would have fared as an anime adaptation.

An anime adaptation isn’t completely out of the question; after all, american franchises such as Supernatural have made their way into Japanese culture, and the saga’s popularity had already been marketed in the west as a manhwa. However, as the original post points out, it certainly would have been much more “interesting” to see the big names in the anime directorial scene try their hands at the controversial title. Let’s take a look at the possibilities!

Hidaeki Anno

After the Second Impact shifted the planet’s axis and wiped out half of humanity, Bella Swann is called into action, piloting a giant mecha and fighting against vampires and werewolves. She falls in love with a tsundere half-vampire named Edward who is also a fellow mecha pilot. The love is a torrid affair, until one of the werewolves, Jacob, is captured and seduces Bella. Edward and Bella’s jerkass father initiate the Human Instrumentality Project, which forces Bella to look back at her life of teenage angst and resulting self-worth, spanning the last arc of the series.

However, due to religious differences, and Anno’s blasphemous use of Christian imagery and symbology, the director got into a heated argument with Stephanie Meyer, and refused to complete the first adaptation. As a result, Gainax is forced to re-release the show as a series of movie-length films: Twilight, Twilight 2.0: Eclipse, and Twilight 3.0: (New) Moon. Twilight 4.0: You Can (Not) Break Dawn is the final film in the series.

Hayao Miyazaki

Bella is a strong, independent, high school girl who is caught in a war between quasi-steampunk vampires and druidic, environmentally conscious werewolves. Despite falling in love with characters from each side, namely the personality-lacking, polluting strawman Edward and the seemingly-idealistic-yet-not-quite-overbearing Jacob, Bella chooses Edward, if only to make a statement regarding her strong will to choose her own destiny, and as a jab to self-perceived-nice-guy kimoi otaku types who are prone to identify with Jacob in this adaptation.

Satoshi Kon

Bella moves to the back woods to start a new life, but meets her fated love, Edward, a vampire who disappears from her life shortly after high school. She spends her entire lifetime chasing after Edward, but her dreams are constantly haunted by an old flame, the werewolf Jacob, whose reign over her subconscious domain gradually leaks into reality. In a climactic scene following Bella’s decision to become a vampire, she is depicted as running throughout all of history, with the scenery blending between one time period to another.

Shinichiro Watanabe

In a creative stylistic fusion of Paranormal Romance and Japanese punk, the rebellious Bella Swann enlists the aid of the gunslinging vampire Edward and a capoeira-fighting werewolf named Jacob. They go on a mind-bending tour through the american midwest in search of a mysterious relic known as the Dawn. As Bella tries to resolve her growing feelings for the two supernatural warriors, the past creeps up behind them, and tries to consume the group from within and without.

The soundtrack is composed by Yoko Kanno in a brilliant cornucopia of punk stylings, exclusively featuring the musical talents of Asian Kung-Fu Generation.

Shinichi Watanabe

“I, Stephanie Meyer, hereby give my permission to turn The Twilight Saga into a shojou romantic comedy!”

A naive yet plucky girl named Bella Swann is brainwashed by, and works under, Jacob, the leader of an organization called WEREWOLF, which aims to rid the entire world of vampires and humans, but especially vampires, because they are always in the way of werewolves taking over the world and enslaving humans. Bella goes on missions to immerse herself in the world of vampire romance so that WEREWOLF can get information on how to defeat the vampires once and for all. In a secondary plotline, a brooding vampire named Edward, who is madly in love with Bella, dies in the first episode, and spends the entire series brooding after her in a deceased form, only to be brought back to life and killed repeatedly by the Great WIll of the Macrocosm.

Stephanie Meyer makes random appearances as StephaMine, a bible-thumping expy version of Fujiko Mine with twintails and a hyperspace machine gun that shoots out miniature versions of StephaMine. She is voiced by Shinichi Watanabe.

Makoto Shinkai

Bella distresses over her complicated love for both Edward and Jacob, but clouds take up the majority of the screentime in comparison to the three main characters themselves.

Kunihiko Ikuhara

Tomboyish heroine Bella Swann recalls a childhood love with a young vampire named Edward Cullen. She follows him to the prestigious Forks Academy, where she discovers that Edward has become the president of the student council. In order to win his favour, she must engage in a series of intricate duels with members of the student council, which consists of the vampiric Cullen family. At one point, Bella is drugged and nearly raped by Edward’s sister and vampire loli, Alice. Meanwhile, the electrifying rogue werewolf Jacob Black tries to save Bella from her descent into the perceivably corrupt student council, causing an inter-city school gangwar between the Blacks and Cullens.

Mamoru Oshii

Angsty cyborg B377A-5W4N ponders the meaning of life as she gets caught in a romance between teenage vampire superhacker EdwardC and bionic werewolf high school dropout, Black Jacob. As it turns out, she is the chosen one who is capable of opening the gates to a valhalla of mecha; whenever she gets into a sexually tense situation with either of her romantic partners, a robot pops out of her chest which she must battle. In the end, she chooses nobody, as neither of her two romantic interests are mature enough to handle her newly discovered robotic wiles.

Akiyuki Shinbo

Bella Swann engages in long rhetorical conversations with Edward, Jacob, and a host of other paranormal bishonen in a reverse-harm. Bella tilts her head many times while the camera switches between images of apples and other imagery-and-allusions-for-the-sake-of-imagery-and-allusion. Unable to choose a lover, Bella announces that she is in despair! Hilarity ensues, alongside a plethora of establishing shots of Bella’s panties, censored by a picture of Stephanie Meyer’s face.

Yutaka Yamamoto

Bella loves love. Bella hates hate. Bella becomes a family with Edward and Jacob, and they do a dance sequence at the end of each episode that takes the otaku world by storm, thereby saving the anime industry.

As much as I’d love to do all the other directors in anime, I can’t fit them all into a thousand-word post. I leave the rest to you, dear reader. How do you think Twilight would be adapted if it were done by a particular director?

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45 thoughts on “If Famous Anime Directors Adapted Twilight…”

  1. I think either Hidaeki Anno or Hayao Miyazaki would be the best personally, although anything with Mecha or a secret ‘evil’ organization would work as well. One thing is for sure, a anime twilight would be a lot more surreal than the films ever could hope to be.

  2. This is like reading a snippets of fanfiction. I don’t care who directs it. I won’t get near it at all unless the changed the main female and male actor. But that wouldn’t be Twilight now, does it?

  3. Aww, just anime directors?

    Makes me wonder what it’s gonna be if Urobuchi Gen has his way 😀

    Btw, if this list ever get a second part I think Tomino needs to be on it

    1. Doesn’t have to be! You can have writers do screenplays of the series and such! I bet Gen would kill off either Edward, Jacob, or even both. Tomino is also just as likely to kill off everyone.

    1. The best part about 4.0 is that they introduce a new character out of nowhere that never existed in the first series, just to appeal to the new romance demographic that emerged since the initial release of the series. I presume the next logical step after Vampires and Werewolves would be Zombies. So there you go, OC Zombie.

    1. You would totally watch an Osamu Dezaki version too, setting it in pre-revolution france with a lot of political melodrama and a tomboyish sword-swinging Bella.

  4. “Bella tilts her head many times while the camera switches between images of apples and other imagery-and-allusions-for-the-sake-of-imagery-and-allusion. Unable to choose a lover, Bella announces that she is in despair! Hilarity ensues, alongside a plethora of establishing shots of Bella’s panties, censored by a picture of Stephanie Meyer’s face”

    MAKE THIS HAPPEN, MAKE THIS HAPPEN, MAKE THIS HAPPEN!

  5. my favorite! Hidaeki Anno! LOLOL Mecha pilots such a goooood idea! But it makes me think of Macross 7 with those creepy space vampires…but yes I can see it being split into three freaking movies xDD Maybe Edward will have a berserker mode and kill everything around him…yes..

  6. I lol’ed at the idea on Makoto Shinkai’s adaptation. “Clouds have more screen time than the three characters.” < Priceless

    1. Don’t get me wrong, it’d still be fantastic. But the clouds make the mood all the more better. I think the original movies were sorely lacking in clouds!

  7. Jun Kawagoe or Yasuhiro Imagawa:

    Gattai Senshi Twilight A

    Bella Swan:Bella is a skilled motocross pilot(or karate fighter,or a gymnastic artist), whose father is a policeman(or a Sergeant,Lieutenant or General). She pilots the Angel, who can combine with Bat and Wolf to became Twilight A.

    Edward Cullen: Descendant of the legendary Cullen clan, a family of vegetarian vampires. Pilots the Bat,who can combine with Angel and Wolf to became Twilight A.

    Jacob Black: A Yakuza(or a Buddhist Monk,or a Judo teacher) .He keeps a great secret: He is a werewolf. Pilots the Wolf,who can combine with Angel and Bat to became Twilight A.

    Twilight in mecha style. Liked?

    1. I remember Yasuhiro from Bartender. Far from a mecha show, he’s still stylistically reminiscent of the olden days, according to what I’ve read regarding him. I’m particularly interested in the Tetsujin remake, and I’d definitely be interested in a mecha version of Twilight, haha.

      1. Fine. Kawagoe directed excellent mecha animes(Kotetsushin Jeeg,Innocent Venus, and Getter Saga OVAs), and Yasuhiro is also good with mecha(G Gundam, Tetsujin remake,and Shin Mazinger). But to make things best, singers like Nana Mizuki(she sings fine),Utada Hikaru(fine,i like her singing),ALI project(to give Twilight a british-air) and JAM project(hot-blood:mecha is not mecha without JAM project) can give Yasuhiro/Kawagoe-Twilight a mecha-stlye songs.

      2. Hot-blooded twilight songs sound quite fine to me. Actually, I wouldn’t mind that by itself as the replacement OST for the actual twilight movie. Making it mecha would be icing on the cake.

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